England - the Tale So Far

The campaign to be the best Team has really taken off, with England playing football matches that it both won and drew. So what does this mean?

It's easy to look at the matches England have played and analyse the different things the players did. But lets drill down and look at the real question that's been heard in pubs, clubs, workplaces, offices, factories libraries and gyms up and across the land......

"Wither Rio Ferdinand?!"

For many years, Rio was literally the defender of the England goal. So much so that he earned the moniker "England Defender Rio Ferdinand". And yet in this Europe Competition, of him there has been no sign. Although scoring goals is the most important thing to do in a footie tournament, the players who can kick the ball away from the goal when the enemy is nearby are also very important. And Rio was one of them, so he should be playing on the pitch for England but he isn't - why?

Initially I suspected he was playing for a team other than England. After some detective work, I established that a player like Rio Ferdinand would be unlikely to play for a team below the first division (the no.1 division in the country). However, a cursory google of all the football clubs in the first division quickly established that precisely none of them have been playing matches while the Europe cup is on, so that is out of the question. So what is he doing? The only explanation is that he has got a different job, other than footballer. This is understandable, recently his old captain Alex Ferguson has stopped doing his job after years of telling Rio about football. Many players lose focus after an event like that and it appears Mr Ferdinand is no exception. A real shame for the England Team, though. Goodbye Rio, you'll be missed. And fans, be prepared to see more enemies near the England goal without him to shoo them away.....